Dos and Don’ts for talking to teens after trauma

When teens and young adults are exposed to trauma, as during the recent tragedy at Valley Forge High School in Parma, it is important to know how to show up for and support them as they process their emotions.

Healing from tragedy happens in the context of trusted relationships. Talking to your kids or students after they learn of a tragedy is an opportunity to be curious about their thoughts and reactions. You do not always need to know the perfect phrases to say. Presence, a genuine display of compassion, and helping a child to feel listened to are the most important contributions to their healing.

Here are some DOs and DON’Ts from FrontLine’s Trauma Team:

• DO affirm what they express using phrases like “it makes sense to feel that way” and reassure them that their feelings are normal even if they feel abnormal

• DON’T assume a lack of outward expression of emotion means they are not grieving

• DO listen without judgement to their thoughts and feelings, and allow them to share stories about the deceased

• DON’T ask for details about the circumstances of the death. It can be retraumatizing to go over a painful event multiple times

• DO offer food, water and opportunities for rest, and redirect aggressive or problematic behavior. It is important for teens to know there are still rules to follow even when they are in mourning

FrontLine Service is here for the community when tragedies occur, offering counseling, guidance and support to those who need it most. We are grateful to the members of our Trauma Team on-site at Valley Forge High School to support teachers, staff members and students who were affected.

If you or someone you know are having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, call, text or chat 988. Help is available 24 hours a day, every day.